Do You Drink? (Part 1 of 2)

Quotes of the Day:

"When everyone is greedy, be fearful. When everyone is fearful, be greedy."-Warren Buffet

Everything I do, I feel is genius, whether it is or it isn't. -Rufus Wainwright

Don't look now, but we are just a little over 72 hours away from one of the most heavily anticipated occasions so far in '09. This Saturday night, The Show will be celebrating his 21st birthday. For those of you not familiar with Brian, his work, his beliefs or his general disposition, congratulations on missing out on perhaps one of the unique human beings walking around right now. And the fact that he is turning 21, and will now be legally allowed to attend bars, clubs, Las Vegas and the like, there really is no telling what he could be capable of in the coming years. After months of careful careful planning, Brian and his friends thought of zero new and creative ways to celebrate, so they will doing the default option for every 21st birthday party: take a party bus around the city and hit bar after bar after dance club. Make no mistake, you could do a lot worse than what we are going to be doing Saturday night. Before I get into some thoughts and analysis about what I expect on Saturday, I want to make a small point.

I have always been very puzzled with the love affair with 21st birthdays. I know it is a rite of passage. I know that it happens during our college years. I know it permanently opens doors to places where dreams come true. But I really believe that it's significant for the wrong reasons. Brian Hamrick has been drinking (and smoking) on a regular basis since he was a freshman in high school. The same goes for the majority of people I know. I never had a good fake ID, and I never did not get in somewhere that I wanted to be at. My brother does not have a good fake ID at Ohio State, and he still gets in the majority of the places he wants to go. So what are we really celebrating on 21st parties? Are we celebrating Brian's 7th year of drinking illegally, and his first week of drinking legally? Are we celebrating the 44th time Brian has gotten into a bar underage and the first time he has gotten into a bar of age? Perhaps this is a question to break down some time in the future. We have a lot to cover in the next two days.

These are historic times. The economy. Our 44th president Barack Obama. And last but not least, 6 kids from Cincy Elder in Cleveland at one time. You heard me right on that last one. There is gonna be 6 kids from Cincinnati in Cleveland this weekend. I have not been to the east side, nor my old house in a long time, but I hope provisions have been made, and exit strategies have been revamped. And were not talking about normal kids here. We're talking about Brian's friends. Kids that make Brian look like a pussy. The possibilities are endless. The potential tragedies are large. The potential rewards are outstanding.

Scouting Reports per Brian's Description:
Brian Faigle--prolly
Kyle Rudolph (the better one)--he's been playing varsity for a very long time
Jake McQuaid--bleeds purple first, scarlet second, an unstoppable drinking force
Jake Chastang--the x factor of the weekend, a real unknown
Danny Maret--"the biggest hillbilly Indiana has ever seen" The jury is still out on whether that is a compliment.

The one thing that you guys have to realize is that Brian uses hyperbole probably better than anyone. He has been building you guys up for the last 3 years. Mostly with lies. He has created almost impossible expectations for you 5 guys. I don't really know. Maybe these guys just show up in Cleveland, and really let down. Maybe they have off nights. The hype might get to them, you never know. But I think its safe to say, that our house is ready for the challenge.

There is also going to be other celebrities in attendance. Tony D will be in the house which means the dance floor at Cadillac Ranch will not be safe at 1:15am. Sweet D will undoubtedly make his presence felt. I feel like he is going to be very well rested and up for the drinking challenge. You can only drink with and talk to horses for short periods of time. He's been waiting to for reasons to drink, hit on every broad that moves, and inexplicably throw multiple punches at the drop of a hat for the last two weeks. And Cincy guests, find his car if you want to go to taco bell at 3am. Recent scouting reports have all showed trends that his pickup game is on the decline. Scouts have cited lack of creativity and inability to close as two weak areas over his last several outings.

Another wild card in this weekend is the presence of a joint party: Kelly Cantwell and her gang of Ice Queen friends will be [f'ing up] errrrrr complimenting the party bus trip. There is no question that this variable makes it one of the most unpredictable weekends in a very long time. With so much beer and so many alpha dogs running around, the potential [assaults] errrrrrrrrr problems can be unimaginable. I have been praying very hard that no one dies this weekend. But I have been praying extra hard that a visiting girl doesnt die.

Lastly, I will also be in attendance for this get together. I think I speak for everyone when I say I am the most charasmatic person on the guest list. I hope to play a very strong role in the festivities. I have been absent from the east side game for so long, that I feel extra motivated for a good showing. I might even wear a sport coat. And if any of you morally bankrupt idiots need a lesson in pulling women, I hope to be putting on a clinic throughout the night. I will play the game that night with this saying in my head: "what I had I gave, what I saved I lost. Forever.

Back Tomorrow with Predictions

JC 3